alcippe | Entries tagged with family

My mother emailed me today, informing me that my aunt and uncle, who teach at an American school in Guatemala* (a school where American expats, and anyone else who wants, can send their kids for a traditional American education, taught by American teachers) have come back to the States, barely escaping with their lives. Apparently, Guatemala has announced a state of siege in the area where my aunt and uncle were, and the military can basically do whatever they want. Somehow they were able to pack up all of their belongings and get out, thank God. My uncle told my mother that it had been a very, very close call and they were lucky to have escaped with their lives. I'm dying to hear the whole story - it must have been really intense for them. Unfortunately, they have lost their jobs as a result, and have now joined the ranks of the unemployed.

* I'm not the only one with wanderlust in my family! My mother's cousin has lived in Columbia for over 20 years, and my aunt and uncle have been all over the world, teaching at American schools in Peru, Jordan, Korea, and now Guatemala. In Jordan they taught the King's daughter, which is pretty awesome.

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Current Location: Germany, Land Berlin, Berlin

Yesterday, knowing that the dread chill temperatures were going to arrive within hours, I got in a Zipcar and stocked up on groceries and household goods so I wouldn't have to trudge around in the bitter temperatures today. But despite the fact that yesterday was warmer, there was snow everywhere and coming down endlessly. I SLID more than I Zipped, and more than once I got caught in a patch of snow that I had to work my way out of. I had reserved the car for 3 hours but returned it after 2 because driving conditions were so bad. (I didn't get to go to the art supply store, but I didn't REALLY need new boards and canvas yet anyway; I have plenty to work on until the air warms up a bit.)

Today the snow has stopped, but it is -5F/-20C with brutal winds. I'm glad I don't need to go outside for anything, although I'm already feeling restless. Maybe I will dress up like an astronaut and go for a walk; I still need to finish my Christmas shopping.

Speaking of Christmas shopping. Every time I go out shopping for gifts I buy more gifts for myself than for other people. It's ridiculous. Sadly, I have fewer people to shop for this year. My grandmother is no longer with us, and my uncle has opted to stay in North Carolina over the holidays. Christmas Eve dinner will be a small afternoon meal with my immediate family, after which I will head home.

My brother is having Christmas morning/day festivities at his house featuring his family and many of his wife's relatives. I think I'm going to go. I think it would be fun to see all the kids running around like a herd of animals, playing with their new toys. Plus my brother mentioned something about there being a lot of mulled wine for the adults (or something like that). YAY

Current Location: icebox hurricane

My grandmother had a massive heart attack yesterday.
She is in the intensive care unit, unresponsive.
"Things do not look good," I was told. "Keep your phone on."

I bought a black dress on my way home.

Yesterday I thought it would be kinda fun to put a notebook under my pillow when I went to bed so I could write down my dreams during the night. It's something I used to do but haven't done for a long time. So over the course of the night, whenever I would wake up from a dream I would jot down the main points and then go back to sleep. By the time morning came I had collected three dreams, and could see that there was a pretty striking theme running through all of them.

( The first dream was about O )

( The second dream was about my parents and grandmother )

( The third dream was about my brother and his family )

The theme seems to be one of loss. Fear of losing others, longing for lost joys of the past, and loneliness. In my waking life I rarely hear from my family, but I'm not the most communicative person, either. I miss them and the days when we were all together; no effort was needed to "stay in touch" because we were under the same roof.

The dream about O is pretty clear; his distance and the giant bed that he gets up and leaves is almost a literal reflection of our reality. The dream was just underscoring the pain that I don't allow myself to deal with/acknowledge during waking hours.

I called my grandma today to see how she was doing but she didn't answer the phone. Then I called my parents' cell phone and it turned out that they were right there with my grandmother and were re-arranging her furniture. My grandmother was in one of her overwhelmed/confused/unresponsive states though, so I didn't get to talk to her. My mother thought it would be best if I called back tomorrow when she will hopefully be more aware. I miss them all so much.

Current Location: alone

Some more vacation snapshots, taken back in the 50's. I love this one of a man feeding a dolphin.

And here's a random cowboy:

Current Location: in the corner

Came across some photographs of my mother's side of the family from back in the 50's when she was growing up. This is my mother and grandfather:

And this one of my mom and her friends I thought was neat (love the matching shoes and jackets). My mother is on the right:

I just emailed my Arbonne consultant friend and let her know that I don't feel comfortable hosting a sales party. I can't go through with it, it just wouldn't be me. I'll host a good old fashioned cocktail party when I get back from Germany instead.

I registered for my German class yesterday. The man I spoke with at the Goethe Institute looked a little like Santa Claus and was from Düsseldorf. I asked to be put in the beginner's class, but then he asked if I had any prior knowledge of the language and I had to admit that well, maybe I do, but no "formal" training. After talking a little bit in German he was convinced I should be placed in the advanced class, but then when I attempted to take the written fill-in-the-blank test I could only answer the first two questions, so I was placed in the beginner's class after all. Thank God. I'd really like to start from the ground up so I can refresh what I already know as well as move forward with it. Better that than being thrown in at a level I'm not comfortable at and then getting discouraged.

This weekend is Art Chicago; I have free passes printed out and ready to go! This is the big contemporary art fair that takes place here in Chicago every year, and I try to never miss it. I was a little worried that my trip abroad might prevent me from going this year, but I lucked out.

I was able to see my grandmother last weekend, thank Goodness. My mother finally relaxed her iron curtain over Milwaukee and let us all come to visit. Saturday was my grandmother's 94th birthday, so my whole family got together to celebrate it with her at the facility where she is being taken care of. I guess it's a nursing home, but I hate to think of my grandmother as being in a nursing home. My mother and I went to go see her in her room first to bring her to the big room where everyone was gathered. She was so unhappy and tears ran down her cheeks. "I hate being here, I hate this place. I wish we could all be at my apartment. This is the worst birthday ever." And really, I could see her point completely. She's seen all of her friends go to the assisted care facility and not come back, and now she's there. But she's too weak to even get out of bed without assistance, so she really does need to be there. She was very unhappy for the first hour or so that we all were together, but then about halfway through dinner she seemed to forget about her awful surroundings and just be happy to have us all together. It was good to see her, good to see that her personality is still strong, even if her body is not. When it came time to go it was really hard to leave her there, with the somewhat deflated balloons on her wheelchair, all alone again. I hugged her and gave her a kiss.

I've been painting in the evenings. The work is inspired by my bathroom window sill: the paint has peeled away from the wood to reveal several layers of different colored paint that have been laid down over the years: aqua, tan, cream, white. I want to try to recreate that. I see it when I am out walking, too. Walls covered with handbills, graffiti and peeling paint, all in layers, all on top of each other. And it is most interesting where the weather has worn the layers down and revealed glimpses of what is beneath.

It's a tedious process. I put down a layer of paint in the morning. When I get home I put down another, and paste down strips of newspaper or magazine. Then another layers of paint. Repeat. And then when it's built up, I sand it down, or use paint stripper to reveal what is underneath.

But while the work is in progress all it looks like is a coat of paint on a bumpy surface.

----

My grandmother is in the hospital. My brother, nephew, and I might be riding up to Milwaukee this Saturday to go visit her. She hasn't been eating or drinking anything, and just says she isn't hungry. The doctors can't find anything wrong. I think maybe she's depressed; I can't eat or drink much of anything when I'm depressed either. She's 93 and all her friends have passed away, so I imagine she's lonely and bored a lot. At least now she's getting fluids and nutrition, so hopefully she'll improve. But I really want to see her and give her a hug and let her know that I love her and think about her.

My mother is with her now, talking with the doctors and helping to orchestrate things. My mother's birthday is on Monday, and my grandmother's birthday is next Saturday. I wish this wasn't such a stressful time for them. Part of me feels like I should go there to cheer them up, and part of me thinks I might just add to their stress by showing up. So we'll see.

Current Mood: unsettled

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DER TRAUM

She hammers gold coins into her thighs for sequins

Entries tagged with family

Guatemala: State of Siege

Happy Solstice

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A sad night's sleep

Things my mother saw

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April 2021

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